ok, he didn’t unlike the post. my mind’s might be playing tricks on me. but whatever. maybe i was not mistaken. zaur jr actually tried to fake an interest in me by a texting session today, ahhhh, he’s so annoying. watching yowamushi’s giving me a thought i should try a lil bit harder with my training, maybe. but only if i feel like it.
dr b is an idiot and a fucking asshole. sasha as well. my friends just generally suck. ahhhh……i wish i had friends like in anime. or people i can rely on. at least on replying messages on time and keeping the track of events and just main common sense.
i’lll fantasize it later.
how fucking come it’s already half past 1 in the night. ffs.
ah, it’s almost 2 am and i think that’s enough anime for today. today was okay. (to be gay ahaha). i cycled for an hour, found new awesome anime and i’m gonna dig into the fanart on tumblr later, can’t wait. and it’s inspiring to work out. bla bla bla. yeah, my family pissed me off to no fucking boundary but just hopefully i can get over it. even if not. i’m not really good at getting over shit. in fact i fucking sucks at it. if they’d pay me money for not getting over shit i’d be filthy rich, bwahhaha. i’ve been getting a lil better at fantasizing good scenarios lately. i made up two and they seemed kinda cool. semi realistic as well. ha. i think there’s something in fantasizing, or, rather, i thought that it was rather horrible that after the break up that was like 7 or whatever months ago i kinda lost my ability to think about good stuff…..yeah….that’s fucked up. it’s like….i’d pass a some stupid demotivator, one i’d like and which would inspire, but if that said hey, post a like to make a wish about personal life, or if you wish this and that blah love - i wouldn’t even press it! it’s sad beyond reason actually. when you’re that desperate. you no longer believe that there is something out there for you. it’s not like i stopped being thirsty all the time, haha….but i just….even thou i mentioned those two scenarios i won’t do anything. i THINK. of course chance might come and i might feel like it. but as of now i still think i’m better off.
i’ve been thinking what if egor’d read that. like hey, motherfucker, i didn’t want to DATE you, i wanted to FUCK you, there’s a fucking difference! and y’know what?! i hate guys with long hair! i mean….i hate long hair on guys. i like guys. long hair’s only good in animes or whatever.
and even if i wanted to date you i didn’t think there’ll be good out of it. but i dreamt bcuz that’s what girls do. so get the fuck over yourself, you ignorant prick of a twat. (hahaha, is that even a thing).
there, i said it. at the same time we had some good time. i still kinda hate you and will think that you’re desperately in love with me cuz i’m also bad at handling rejection and whatever.
ahhh….i’m kinda pathetic. maaaybe. i don’t know.
geez. i hope this won’t turn into another waterfall of angst which will make my head hurt.
my life sucks. you can be better than i am. maybe i just don’t have it in me to be equal with you. i give up and that’s ok. maybe not. i don’t know. i’ll just listen to lounge and maybe try imagining something nice. or grow in anger and hatred and disgust. or cry (also with headache included). i wish it could be former thou. goodnight to me.